Fountain Gateways' Humor 18

Scholars have long debated the exact ethnicity and nationality of Jesus. Recently, at a theological meeting in Rome, scholars had a heated debate on this subject. One by one, they offered their evidence.............

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN:
1. His first name was Jesus
2. He was bilingual
3. He was always being harassed by the authorities.

But then there were equally good arguments that JESUS WAS BLACK:
1. He called everybody "brother"
2. He liked Gospel
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were equally good arguments that JESUS WAS JEWISH:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God.

But then there were equally good arguments that JESUS WAS ITALIAN:
1. He talked with his hands
2. He had wine with every meal
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were equally good arguments that JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN:
1. He never cut his hair
2. He walked around barefoot
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were equally good arguments that JESUS WAS IRISH:
1. He never got married
2. He was always telling stories
3. He loved green pastures.

But perhaps the most compelling evidence that JESUS WAS A WOMAN:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who JUST DIDN'T GET IT!
3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for him to do. (TOP) (Back to Humor Index)

George W. Bush's administration has averted a keyboard catastrophe. Earlier this week, it was reported that many White House keyboards were missing their W keys, presumably removed by a Clinton White House staffer. Fortunately, OfficeMax announced Wednesday that it would donate 500 replacement W keys, ensuring the new administration doesn't go W-less. We can all applaud OfficeMax's patriotism, but somewhere, someone has a secret cache of W keys. What should be done with them? We have a few suggestions:

1 Going once, going twice: Auction the Ws on eBay, where they'll all be snatched up by buyer gbush@hitehouse.gov.

2 I can see clearly now: Create a 3D eye chart, rotating the keys to read W, M, E, and 3. Then, test the vision of the White House security guards who missed the keyboard vandal in the first place.

3 The candy man can: Turn them upside down, cover them in chocolate, and market them as official "Presidential M&Ms."

4 Press V twice: VVhy don't vve forget about those Ws anyvvay? VVe can use tvvo Vs instead, and vvith the money vve save from not manufacturing them, vve could give vvhopping tax cuts.

5 Who needs the NEA?: Donate the keys to Sesame Street. The next 500 shows will be sponsored by the letter W.

6 Commemorative keys: The Franklin Mint covers the Ws in gold and offers them for just $19.95 apiece as an official memento of a fractious election. But hurry, this offer won't last!

7 Open door policy?: Use them to replace the "Women" restroom signs that disappeared during the Clinton administration. (Is it true that Bill preferred unisex bathrooms he'd seen on Ally McBeal?)

8 WWW jewelry: String them together in groups of threes and hand them out as consolation prizes to recently unemployed dot-com workers.

9 America's most wanted: Display police artist sketches of the missing keys on the backs of milk cartons, with a $25,000 reward for any tips leading to the arrest and conviction of the perpetrator.

Adult Education Classes That Should Be!:
Submitted by Dave and Debbie Singer

Many of you know that Adult Ed. classes are becoming very popular. Here are some courses that could (should?) be offered:

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop
2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge
3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding
4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead
5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum?: You CAN Tell the Difference!
6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away
7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back
8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!
9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In
10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In
11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink
12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!
13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!
14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15 Year-Old Levis to Goodwill
15. Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your 1970s Polyester
16. Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware: No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves
17. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means
18. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut
19. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote
20. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh
21. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet
22. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed
23. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It!
24. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty
25. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them
26. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime
27. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Social Events: New Outfits Are Not Mandatory
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, Not the First
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
11. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
12. Introduction to Parking a Car
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs, and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Without Reading Into Them
19. PMS: Your Problem ... Not His
20. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
21. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
22. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
23. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
24. TV Remotes: For Men Only
25. Combating the Imelda Marcos Syndrome: Do You Really Need Those New Shoes?
26. Introduction to Petrol: You Too Can Fill the Tank
27. Advanced Petrol: How to Remove the Gas Cap!!! (TOP) (Back to Humor Index)

Dear God, How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?

Dear God, When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God, Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle!

Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God, When my foster mom's friend comes over to our house, he smells like musk! What's he been rolling around in?

Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets, or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street!

Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God, Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we can't make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets again?

Dear God, When my family eats dinner they always bless their food. But they never bless mine. So, I've been wagging my tail extra fast when they fill my bowl. Have you noticed my own blessing?

Dear God, I've always lived at the shelter and I have everything I need. But many of the cats here have names and I don't. Could you give me a name please? It would be good for my self-esteem.

Dear God, The new terrier I live with just peed on the Oriental rug and I have a feeling my family might blame me 'cuz they think I'm jealous of this stupid dog. Since they have no sense of smell, how can I convince them I'm innocent? Does Petsmart sell lie detectors? (TOP) (Back to Humor Index)

After a spring break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent the holidays. One child wrote the following:

"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.

My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night, "Early Birds."

Some of the people can't get past the man in the doll house to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. My Grandma says Grandpa's worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day too.

When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren. (TOP) (Back to Humor Index)

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do. (TOP) (Back to Humor Index)

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTINGS Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."

IDIOT SIGHTINGS #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She Responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

IDIOT SIGHTINGS #3:
At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

IDIOT SIGHTINGS #4:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

Idiot SIGHTINGS #5:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" "I know," answered the young man.- "I already got that side."

Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day. Al says to Joe, "you know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico." Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.

As they are constructing the tower a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration. So Al jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.

Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces again and comes back up again. This time he is bruised and bleeding. Again Joe misses him. Al falls again and bounces back up. This time he comes back pretty messed up. He's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily Joe catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" Barely able to speak, Al gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd... WHAT THE HECK IS A PIÑATA?" (TOP) (Back to Humor Index)

A pregnant woman from Washington, DC gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Texas came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother ... he's an idiot!"
She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise."
"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew. (TOP) (Back to Humor Index)

All power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat, though.
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.
Taxation WITH representation ain't much fun either.
I don't have a license to kill but I do have a learner's permit.
He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
"Time is fun when you're having flies." Kermit the Frog
Red meat is not bad for you, but fuzzy green meat is.
Toilet stolen from police station. Police have nothing to go on.
The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
If you think there is good in everybody, then you obviously haven't met everybody.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.
Gargling is a good way to see if your throat leaks.
Remember: First you pillage, THEN you burn.
To err is human. To forgive is against company policy.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Half the people in the world are below average.
Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Strip mining prevents forest fires.
A picture may be worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times more memory!
If a thing is worth doing, wouldn't it have been done already?
If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Ham and eggs: Just a day's work for a chicken but a lifetime commitment for a pig.
Remember, it's worry that dampens our powder and weakens our aim!

The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

HERSHEY, PA--In one of the largest product-liability rulings in U.S. history, the Hershey Foods Corporation was ordered by a Pennsylvania jury Monday to pay $135 billion in restitution fees to 900,000 obese Americans who for years consumed the company's fattening snack foods.

"Let this verdict send a clear message to Big Chocolate," said Pennsylvania Attorney General Andrew Garsten, addressing reporters following the historic ruling. "If you knowingly sell products that cause obesity, you will pay."

The five-state class-action suit accused Hershey's of "knowingly and willfully marketing rich, fatty candy bars containing chocolate and other ingredients of negligible nutritional value." The company was also charged with publishing nutritional information only under pressure from the government, marketing products to children, and artificially "spiking" their products with such substances as peanuts, crisped rice, and caramel to increase consumer appeal.

Above: Lawyers for the Hershey Corporation announce plans to appeal the court's decision.

Jurors took less than five hours to reach the decision following a two-year trial covering nearly one million snackers in Pennsylvania, Florida, New Hampshire, Arizona, and Texas. A majority of the unprecedented punitive damages will go toward obesity victims and their immediate families. The remainder will be funneled into weight-loss and youth-snacking prevention programs.

"This is a vindication for myself and all chocolate victims," said Beaumont, TX, resident Earl Hoffler, holding a picture of his wife Emily, who in 1998 succumbed to obesity after nearly 40 years of chocoholism. "This award cannot bring Emily back, but I take some comfort knowing that her tragic, unnecessary death did not go unpunished."

Hoffler's teary-eyed account of his wife's brave battle against chocolate was widely regarded as the emotional high point of the trial. First introduced to Hershey's chocolate as a young trick-or-treater, Emily quickly developed a four-bar-a-day habit, turning in adulthood to Hershey's Special Dark, a stronger, unfiltered form of the product. By age 47, she had ballooned to 352 pounds and was a full-blown chocoholic. What little savings the family had was drained by Weight Watchers memberships, Richard Simmons videotapes, and Fat Trapper pills, all of which proved futile and only prolonged the Tofflers' agonizing ordeal.

Equally pleased by the ruling was Mel Brewer of Phoenix, whose father received free chocolate as a soldier during World War II.

Above: Just one of the millions of victims of the chocolate confectionary industry.

"Dad came back from Europe hooked," Brewer said. "Before long, he was going through a case of Mounds and Mr. Goodbars a week. He wouldn't eat ice cream without Hershey's chocolate syrup and crushed Heath bars on it. He died of a heart attack at age 54 weighing 415 pounds."

With litigation pending against the nation's top five chocolate makers, including a $102 billion Mississippi suit against Nestle, the entire industry is on alert. Big Chocolate has already suffered numerous major setbacks in recent years. In 1997, a California judge ordered chocolate manufacturers to fund $27 billion in education programs to prevent youth chocolate consumption. In 1999, a federal judge prohibited chocolate advertising on TV and billboards and banned the use of cartoon imagery in advertising. In addition, the judge ruled that a warning label must be placed on all chocolate products reading, "The Surgeon General Has Determined That Eating Chocolate May Lead To Being Really Fat."

Lawyers for the Hershey Corporation said the company intends to appeal the decision, which could drive the price of a 1.4-ounce pack of Rolos as high as $1.29.

"Adult consumers know the risks involved in using our products," Hershey's chief counsel Marvin Black said. "They know that if not used in a responsible manner, there can be some negative consequences. But this is true of anything in life. Further, the decision to use our products is one that has always been left up to the individual. The Hershey Corporation has never forced anyone to use its products, nor has it ever intentionally added substances to its candies to increase addictiveness. If consumers are hooked, it is only because of said candy's overwhelmingly delicious chocolate goodness."

Whatever the outcome of the Hershey's appeal, the chocolate industry has irrevocably changed as a result of Monday's verdict.

"For over a century, Hershey's has lived off the fat of the land," Erie, PA, claimant Pamela Schiff said. "Now it's time to pay us back." (TOP) (Back to Humor Index)

NAME IN FULL: __________________________________ ANY NICKNAMES YOU EVER HAD: __________________________________

ADDRESS AT PRESENT: __________________________________ ADDRESS BEFORE NOW: __________________________________

ADDRESS BEFORE THAT: __________________________________

YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER: __________________________________ YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER: _________________________

TEN FRIENDS/REFERENCES NUMBERS: __________________ __________________ __________________ __________________

__________________ __________________ __________________ __________________ __________________ __________________

GRADES REPORTED LAST TIME: ___________________________________ GRADE POINT AVERAGE: _____________________________

LIST OF TEACHERS NAMES AND PHONE NUMBERS: ________ ________ ________ _________ _________ _________ _________

LIST OF SCHOOLS ATTENDED: _______________ _________________ ______________ ______________

FOREIGN LANGUAGE SPOKEN: _____________

TYPE OF ELECTIVES CHOSEN: _____________ ______________ ____________ ____________

HOBBIES AND INTEREST: ___________ _____________ _____________ ____________ _________

AMOUNT OF FREE TIME PER DAY: ___________

**************************************************************************************************************

HOW MANY HOURS OF SLEEP DO YOU NEED: ________

YOUR WORK HISTORY: ___________________________ ___________________________

HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU MAKE: ___________HOW MUCH DO YOU SPEND: __________HOW MUCH DO YOU SAVE: _________

HOW MUCH DO YOU SPEND ON AN AVERAGE DATE: ________

WHERE DO YOU GO FOR DATES: _____________________________

HOW MANY DATES HAVE YOU HAD: ________

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN DUMPED: ________WHAT WERE THE REASONS: _____________________________________________

HOW MANY HAVE YOU DUMPED: ________WHAT WERE THE REASONS: ___

DO YOU LIKE BLONDES: ____

WHAT ARE THE MAJOR REASONS TO DATE MY CHILD: _____________________________________________________________________

WHAT ARE THE REASONS NOT TO DATE MY CHILD: ____

HOW MANY DAYS APART IN AGE ARE YOU REALLY: ________

ARE YOU MATURE ENOUGH TO DATE MY CHILD: _________

WHAT AMOUNT DO YOU HAVE SAVED UP IN A BANK TO SPEND ON HER: ______________________________

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO TREAT A WOMEN RESPECTFULLY: ________

*******************************************************************************************************************

WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE INTENTIONS: __________________________________________________

HOW MUCH DO YOU PLAN ON SPENDING ON FUTURE INTENTIONS: ________________________________________

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IF YOU GROW UP: ______________________________________ WILL YOU GROW UP: _________ HOW: ___________________

WILL EVERYONE KNOW WHEN YOUR GROWN UP: ________ HOW: _____________________________________

HOW DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR MOTHER: ______________ HOW DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR FATHER: _____________

DO YOU OBEY YOUR PARENTS: ____________ HOW: _______________________________________

DO YOU WEAR A SEAT BELT: _______ DO YOU DRIVE A MOTORCYCLE: _______ YOU DID SAY “NO” ON THAT LAST QUESTION DIDN’T YOU: ______

WILL YOU RETURN MY DAUGHTER ON TIME EVERY TIME: _______

IF YOU EVER ARE LATE YOU WILL BRING $100.00 IN CASH: __YES_

DO YOU BELIEVE IN CAPITOL PUNISHMENT: ______

DOES “MAKE MY DAY LAW” APPLY TO KIDS WHO MISS THEIR CURFEW: ______

DO YOU WEAR A BULLET PROOF VEST: ______ DO YOU CARRY ANY WEAPONS: ______

WOULD YOU FIGHT TO THE DEATH TO PROTECT MY DAUGHTER: _______

*************************************************************************************************************

WHAT KIND OF WORK DOES YOUR FATHER DO: ______________________

HOW MUCH DOES HE MAKE: ______________________WILL HE GIVE ME ANY OF IT: ______________________

DOES HE HAVE GOOD INSURANCE IN CASE I HAVE TO SUE: __________WHAT’S THE INSURANCE COMPANY’S NAME AND NUMBER: ______________________

ARE YOU ON A FIRST NAME BASIS WITH A LAWYER: ________A POLITICIAN: ________THE MAFIA: _______A MOVIE STAR: _______

THE POLICE CAPTAIN: _______THE JUDGE: _______

WHEN IS THE LAST TICKET , FINE OR IMPRISONMENT HAPPEN: _______EXPLAIN: _________________________________________

ARE YOU A KLUTZ: _______

DO YOU TAKE ANY MEDICATIONS TO MAKE YOU LIKE NORMAL: ______WHAT: ___________________NO, I MEAN PRESCRIPTIONS: __________________

WHAT IS THE AVERAGE LIFE SPANNED OF YOUR FAMILY: __________

DO YOU EAT HEALTHY: _________

WHO’S YOU FAVORITE POLITICIAN ACTIVE TODAY: __________________

YOU FAMILY’S GENEALOGY BACK 4 GENERATIONS: (TOP) (Back to Humor Index)

The day finally arrives: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.