When
Do I Start My Job?:
Submitted by Dave & Debbie Singer
Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job.
The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun, so he decided
to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions
and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent
the number 9."
Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three
trees.
The boss says, "What in the world is that?"
Boudreaux says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."
"Fair enough" says the boss. "Second questions, same rules,
but represent 99".
Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a
smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says.
The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do
you get that to represent 99?"
Boudreaux answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty
tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99."
The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire
Boudreaux so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again,
but this time represent the number 100."
Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, "I
got it!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Der
ya go sir - 100."
The boss looks at Boudreaux's attempt and thinks, "Ha!
got him this time." He then tells Boudreaux, "Go on, Boudreaux, you must
be crazy if you think that represents a 100."
Boudreaux leans forward and points to the little marks
at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and poops by each
tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty
tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start my job?"
(TOP)
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PREGNANCY Q & A
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's
borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,
but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife
is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and
act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
(TOP)
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Top
10 problems with the new McDonalds payment system!
From CNET Digital Dispatch 05/31/2001
McDonald's is experimenting
with a high-tech payment system: a plastic wand that patrons wave in front
of an electronic sensor to pay for burgers and such. Currently being tested
in Boise, Idaho, the system deducts the appropriate charge from a customer's
debit or credit card. We don't know if McWands will ever catch on, but
we urge Ronald and friends to think carefully before charging ahead. New
technologies often yield unintended consequences; witness the following:
- 10
Open sesame bun Avid Harry Potter fans
keep waving wands over their burgers, incanting Latinate phrases such as
"Super-sizius."
- 9
Your money or your burger
Get mugged by the Hamburglar
and find that your credit card has been debited for 500 Happy Meals.
- 8
Is
that a wand in your pocket...
Rash of employee firings
stemming from inappropriate wand jokes
- 7
No,
not the "1812 Overture"!
Prankster symphony conductors
repeatedly crash the system.
- 6
Fuzzy
magic Income tax equations thrown
into disarray when federal government opts for construction of 200-ton
wand to wave at national debt.
- 5
Drive-by
wanding You're inadvertently charged
for an order of Chicken McNuggets every time you pass a set of golden arches.
- 4
McDungeons
and Dragons Role-playing gamers flock
to the new system, only to cancel service when they discover the wands
don't shoot fireballs.
- 3
Burned
again Vigorous wand waving could
overturn hot cups of coffee, resulting in immediate lawsuits.
- 2
Would
you like spam with that?
Wand transmits your demographic
info to marketers, who bombard you with Clearasil and ThighMaster ads.
- 1
Over
10 billion slaughtered
Militant vegetarian hackers
reconfigure wand to automatically tabulate cow body count with every purchase.
(TOP)
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More
Kids Humor - Varied
01: On the first day of school, about midmorning, the
kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up
two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How
will that help?" 
02: A mother and her young son returned from the
grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the
box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What
are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the
seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal." 
03: A father was reading Bible stories to his young
son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out
of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His
son asked, "What happened to the flea?" 
04: A child came home from Sunday school and told
his mother that he had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear
named Gladly. It took his mother a while before she realized that the
hymn was really "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear." 
05: Grandpa and
granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me, too?"
"Yes, He did," the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa,
as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered
what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up.
"You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."
- Submitted by Dave & Debbie Singer (TOP)
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Doilies:
Submitted by Linda O'Nele
As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on
her husband's ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her
closet and asked her husband never to touch it.
For fifty years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt
Edna was old and dying. One day when he was putting their affairs in order,
he found the box again and thought it might hold something important.
Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash.
He took the box to her and asked about the contents. "My mother gave me
that box the day we married," she explained.
"She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations
every time I got mad at you."
Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only
been mad at him twice.
"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.
"Oh, that's the money I made selling the doilies."
(TOP)
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Rules
For Driving In Colorado:
Submitted by Dave & Debbie Singer
1. A right lane construction
closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing
you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks
to squeeze their way back in before hitting construction barrels. Bonus
points are awarded for getting out of your car and moving the barrels.
2. Turn signals provide
clues as to your next move in the road battle, so never use them.
3. Under no circumstances
should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you
no matter how fast you are going. If you do, the space will be filled by
somebody else putting you in a more dangerous situation.
4. The faster you drive
through a red light, the less your chance is of getting hit.
5. The car with the most
extensive body work automatically has the right of way. (Remember no-fault
insurance. He might not have as much to lose as you.)
6. Braking is to be done
as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your anti-lock braking system
kicks in and gives you a relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.
7. Construction signs
are carefully positioned to tell you about road work ahead after you have
just passed the last opportunity to exit, but just before the traffic begins
to back up.
8. The electronic traffic
warning system signs are not there to provide useful information, but just
to tell you what time it is and make Denver look progressive.
9. Never pass on the
left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering
the highway. Passing on the shoulder is encouraged, that's why they're
paved.
10. Speed limits are
arbitrary figures to make Denver look as if it conforms with other state
policies; these are intended only as suggestions, and are actually
unenforceable.
11. Just because you're
in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean
that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go
faster in your spot.
12. Please remember that
there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic on I-25.
13. Always slow down
and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire.
If you're lucky you may see the unlucky breakdown victim get mugged.
14. Learn to swerve abruptly.
Denver is the home of the very high-speed slalom driving thanks to Colorado
DOT, who put potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes
and keep them on their toes. Parts of truck tires are left on new highways
where potholes have not been established yet.
15. It is considered
correct in Denver to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant
the light changes. Our city is founded upon such traditions.
16. Seeking eye contact
with another driver automatically revokes your right of way.
17. Giving the "hand
movement" may invite armed retaliation. Be sure that your rifle is on the
gun rack in the rear window and visible rather than lying on the seat,
and in range to pick up easily.
18. You don't have to
wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass
to the frontage road like everyone else. This is how Denver residents
notify the Colorado DOT where exits should have been built.
(TOP)
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Sniffer:
A man is sitting in a
plane which is about to take off when another man with a dog occupies the
empty seats alongside.
The dog takes the middle
seat, and his handler explains that they work for the airline.
"Don't mind Rover," the
handler says, "he is a sniffer dog, the best there is. I'll show you once
we get airborne and I set him to work."
The plane takes off and
levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this."
He tells the dog, "Rover,
search!"
The dog jumps down, walks
along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns
to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says, "Good boy!"
He turns to the first
man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making
a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend
her on arrival."
"Fantastic!" replies the
first man.
Once again he sends the
dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs about, sits down beside a man
for a few seconds, returns to its seat and places both paws on the handler's
arm.
The handler says, "That
man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of this, and the seat
number."
"Wow!" says the first
man.
Once again, the handler
sends the dog to search the aisles.
Rover goes up and down
the plane aisle and after a while sits down next to someone, and then comes
racing back, jumps up onto the seat, and dodos all over the place!!!!!
The first man is surprised
and disgusted by this, and asks, "What the heck was THAT for???!!"
The handler replies, "He
just found a bomb."
(TOP)
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Hang UP:
Submitted by Tammy Doty
John and Dave were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, John
suddenly dove into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there.
David promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled
John out.
One of the doctors noticed David's heroic act and immediately ordered
for David to be released from the hospital, as he considered him to be
cured. The meeting went as followed:
Doctor: We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good
news is that you are being released from the hospital because you have
regained your senses. Since you were able to jump in and save another patient
you must be stable. The bad news is that the patient you saved, John, hung
himself in the bathroom and died.
David: Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry.
(TOP)
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What
Fish?:
A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern
Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for
its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch
those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No,
sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here
fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and
they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do
that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a
moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden
was curious now. The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"
"Well, What?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?"
the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?" the man asked (TOP)
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A
Diet You Can Live BY!:
-
If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in
the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
-
If you fatten everyone else around you, then you look thinner....
So encourage others to eat more... and more often...
-
Broken Cookie pieces contain no fat - the process of breaking
the cookie causes the fat to breakdown before it is actually eaten.
-
A great "Meal Replacement" with little or no fat content,
low in calories, lots of fiber, protein, and other nutritional ingredients.
-
Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are
units of heat. Examples are Ice Cream, Frozen pies and popsicles.
-
Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories,
e.g. spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate.
-
Note: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted
for any other food color without increasing caloric content.
-
In food used for medicinal purposes the calories NEVER count,
such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
-
Movie related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior
Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because
they are not part of one's personal fuel... merely entertainment.
-
Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you
are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on
a knife when making a sandwich, ice cream on a spoon when making an ice
cream cone
-
When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you
don't eat more than they do. (see above, encouraging others)
(TOP)
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The
Good Wife's Guide: - From the Housekeeping Monthly May 13th, 1955 -
and
they weren't kidding back then!
1) Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night
before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is
a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned
about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect
of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
2) Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so
you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon
in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary
people.
3) Be a little gay and a little more interesting
for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide
it.
4) Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through
the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth
over the tables.
5) During the cooler months of the year you should
prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he
has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.
After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal
satisfaction.
6) Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival,
eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children
to be quiet.
7) Be happy to see him.
8) Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity
in your desire to please him.
9) Listen to him. You may have a dozen important
things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let
him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important
than yours.
10) Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
11) Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if
he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have
gone through at work.
12) Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable
chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for
him.
13) Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes.
Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
14) Don't ask him questions about his actions or question
his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and
as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You
have no right to question him.
15) A good wife always knows her place.
(TOP)
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Proverbs Of The First Grader:
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She
gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them
to come up with the remainder of the proverb. This is what they came
up with.
1) Better to be safe than.............to punch
a 5th grader.
2) Never underestimate the power of............termites.
3) You can lead a horse to water but...............how?
4) Don't bite the hand that..................looks
dirty.
5) A miss is as good as a..........................Mr.
6) You can't teach an old dog new..............math.
7) If you lie down with dogs,you'll......stink
in the morning.
8) Love all, trust........................................me.
9) The pen is mightier than the...................pigs.
10) An idle mind is...............................the
best way to relax.
11) Where there's smoke there's..................pollution.
12) Happy the bride who.........................gets
all the gifts.
13) A penny saved is...................................not
much.
14) Two's company, three's...................the
Musketeers.
15) Don't put off till tomorrow what...you puton to
go to bed.
16) None are so blind as.............................Stevie
Wonder.
17) Children should be seen and not.....spanked
or grounded.
18) If at first you don't succeed...............get
new batteries.
19) When the blind leadeth the blind.......get out
of the way.
20) Better late than............................pregnant.
(TOP)
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Boss vs. Employee Differences:
When you take a long time, you're slow. -> When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy. -> When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot. -> When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
-> When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
-> When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
-> When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.
-> When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
-> When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
-> When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
-> When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
(TOP)
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In my congregation!
Submitted by Tammy Doty
A minister,
a priest and a rabbi were enjoying the serenity of a country dipping pond.
Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the
water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying
their "freedom."
As they were crossing an open area, a group of very old ladies from town
approached them. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the
priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for
cover.
After the ladies left and the men got their clothes back on,
the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than
his privates.
The rabbi replied...
"I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my FACE that they would
recognize."
(TOP)
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An Anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by
transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following
are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has far too much spare time
or is deadly at Scrabble.
George Bush: When you rearrange the letters: He Bugs Gore
Dormitory: When you rearrange the letters: Dirty Room
Evangelist: When you rearrange the letters: Evil’s Agent
Desperation: When you rearrange the letters: A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code: When you rearrange the letters: Here Come Dots
Slot Machines: When you rearrange the letters: Cash Lost in Em
Animosity: When you rearrange the letters: Is No Amity
Mother-in-law: When you rearrange the letters: Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms: When you rearrange the letters: Alas No More Z’s
A Decimal Point: When you rearrange the letters: I’m a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes: When you rearrange the letters: That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two: When you rearrange the letters: Twelve plus one
President Clinton of the USA: It can be rearranged into: To Copulate he finds
Interns
(TOP)
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Interesting And Idiotic Quotes - teehee:
1} When you're as
great as I am, it's hard to be humble. -
Muhammad Ali
2} If thine enemy
offend thee, give his child a drum. -
Anonymous
3} We know what
happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.
- Ambrose Bierce
4} Never lend your
car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
- Erma Bombeck, author
5} If you live to be
one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
- George Burns
6} Men occasionally
stumble on the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if
nothing had happened. - Sir Winston
Churchill
7} The fellow who
thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do.
- Harold Coffin
8} I like children.
Properly cooked. - W.C. Fields
9} Time flies like an
arrow; fruit flies like a banana. -
Groucho Marx
10} Outside of a dog, a book is
your best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
11} A careful driver is one who
honks his horn when he goes through a red light.
- Henry Morgan
12} Noise proves nothing. Often a
hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she has laid an asteroid.
- Mark Twain
13} I couldn't help it. I can
resist everything except temptation. -
Oscar Wilde
14} It is not necessary to
understand things in order to argue about them.
- Caron de Beaumarchais
(TOP)
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Dogs and Cats - On
Their Terms:
THE DOG!!!
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled
exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic
benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside
for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you
prance away.
BUMP: The best way to get your human's
attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
DEAFNESS: This is a
malady which affects dogs when their person want them in and they want to stay
out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the
opposite direction, or lying down.
DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as
the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the
living room.
DROOL: Is what you do
when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as
close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better
yet, on their laps.
GARBAGE CAN: A container which your
neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your
hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are
rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy
crusts of bread.
LEAN: Every good dog's
response to the command "sit !", especially if your person is dressed for an
evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
LEASH: A strap which attaches to your
collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
LOVE: Is a feeling of
intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can
show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in
return.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet
other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dogs rear end and
inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.
SOFAS: Are to dogs like
napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of
the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is
coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is
necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting,
rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels. I once had a dog
that would find a bed and get up in it and pee - what an experience when that
dog happened to be a Saint Bernard!
WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with
paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the
basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
THE CAT!!!!
BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything.
Just sit and stare.
DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand on hind legs
and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.
After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and
think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold
weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.
CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time,
get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing
up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a humans bare foot.
HAMPERING: If
one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay with
the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering."
Following are the rules for "hampering:"
-
1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You
cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then
picked up and comforted.
-
2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless
you can lie across the book itself.
-
3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to
obscure as much of the work as possible or at least. Pretend to doze, but every
so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.
-
4) For people paying bills or working on income taxes or Christmas cards, keep
in mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When
dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds
nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability.
After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the
table, one at a time.
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5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on
the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.
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6) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat
at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering
typing in progress.
WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the
human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the
dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their
coordination skills.
BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.
LITTER BOX: When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as
possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.
HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not
come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the
humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost.
Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you
will probably get a treat.
ONE LAST THOUGHT:
Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and
present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don't forget
guests.
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