Fountain Gateways' Humor 50
Continually Updated without Annoying Pop-Ups!

Disclaimer: NOTE!! Parents, please view these Jokes with your child or teen. This site will not give out any information garnered by it without express written & confirmed emails by the individual.  Sincerely Web Master kidssafe 

We will try to provide you with a chuckle now and then of clean and pure myrrh. Currently the jokes are in alphabetical order but as these pages grow each Specific Joke etc. will be indexed for easier viewing. If for any reason you find a particular joke offensive to your beliefs let us know immediately, with the particulars, and we will take it under consideration for removal.

Friends, We Need Jokes!!! Already this is the largest clean and safe joke site that is to be found on the Internet so lets make it even larger!!!  

NOW With Some Great Pictures!!! Also new features called Outlandish News!!!

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Last Revised 08/12/2006
Copyright 1998 - 2005 Silver & Gold Productions™
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How the Sexes View Themselves: Submitted by Dave Singer

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Igloo Contractors: Submitted by Dave Singer

Mark Parisi cartonns can be found at http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/offthemark/index.html

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Speed: Submitted by Dave Singer

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Happy Thanksgiving: Submitted by Dave Singer

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Word For Blondes: Submitted by Dave Singer

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Men At Work: Submitted by Dave Singer

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He Was GONE!: Submitted by Dave Singer

Mark Parisi cartoons can be found at http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/offthemark/index.html

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On The Paper: Submitted by Dave Singer

Mark Parisi cartoons can be found at http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/offthemark/index.html

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In Hiding: Submitted by Dave Singer

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Turn Off Electric Devices:

Mark Parisi cartoons can be found at http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/offthemark/index.html

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Original Think Tank:

Mark Parisi cartoons can be found at http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/offthemark/index.html

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Dress Code:

Mark Parisi cartoons can be found at http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/offthemark/index.html

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Cell Phone:

Mark Parisi cartoons can be found at http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/offthemark/index.html

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I've figured It Out!:

We all get heavier as we get older, right? I figured it out! As we get older,

there's a lot more information in our heads !!

 

 

So, I'm not fat! I'm just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold anymore,

so it started filling up the rest of me !     

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Horseback Riding: submitted by Timothy Sacco

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.          (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    

Redneck Race Fan:

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Redneck Guest Rooms:

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Redneck Designated Driver:

 

For this great photo please go to Paul Stanton's site at ( http://www.duckboy.com )          (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    

Redneck Car Wash:

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Redneck Built Home:

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Redneck Apartment Living:

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Redneck Church

Submitted by Bob Sperlazzo

  • 1. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

  • 2. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people ask when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was they usin' to catch 'em.

  • 3. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

  • 4. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

  • 5. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't ever been in a hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)

  • 6. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir is known as the "OK Chorale."

  • 7. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... in a congregation of 500 members; there are only seven last names in the church directory.

  • 8. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Baptism is referred to as "branding."

  • 9. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

  • 10. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

  • 11. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

  • 12. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

  • 13. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

  • 14. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.

  • 15. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

  • 16. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink."

  • 17. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.

  • 18. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Y'hear ?" Amen

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Things You Don't See Everyday

Submitted by Debbie Robinson

 

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Have You Ever Been This Tired

Submitted by Debbie Robinson

Click on picture to bring up larger picture, please.

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Cat Hat

 

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Rescue Me

 

It was the worst rainstorm of the century. Half the valley was gone. Agitated, a man called the rescue hotline. "Help me. I'm standing in two feet of water!" The rescue monitor said, "That's not exactly a flood emergency around here." The main said, "No? I'm calling from the fourth floor!"        (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    

Dog Smile:

 

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HAVING A BAD DAY?: 

If you think YOUR day is going bad, just check out this poor fellow..

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and facemask.

A post-mortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.     (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    

Lawyers - Same Everywhere:

 

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"

 

Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.

 

"No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."      (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)