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Quick Catch

 

R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officers asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed that Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.     (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Robber Tries to Take A Bite Out His Own Crime...

 

WEST BRIDGEWATER, Massachusetts - A robber in Rhode Island was bound and determined not to be fingered for a crime by chewing off his fingertips. According to R.I. police officers, Francisco Sanchez, 21, and a man who identified himself as Ivan Cruz, 28, of St. Thomas, Virgin Islands, were arrested at about 6 p.m. after a drug deal. As Sanchez awaited to be fingerprinted in a jail cell, he began to gnaw on his fingertips until they were completely bloody and mangled. But not bloody enough that the officers could not get prints useable for identification purposes.    (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Weighed down by stolen loot, thief drowns in river.

 

A suspected thief, weighed down with more than 50 pounds of stolen cameras and CDs, among other items, drowned as he attempted to evade police by swimming across the Arkansas River, officials said.

 

The man, identified as Edward McBride, 37, was carrying a duffel bag weighing 50 pounds that contained stolen items and was found Friday with stolen goods also stuffed in his pockets, said Tulsa police spokesman Lucky Lamons.

 

He was being pursued by Tulsa police who suspected him of robbing a Tulsa home when he jumped into the muddy Arkansas River.

 

"He got about 40 yards out and yelled for help," Lamons said. "The officers took off their shirts, shoes and belts off and jumped into the river. By the time they reached him, he had gone under."

 

Lamons said rescue workers retrieved McBride's body about an hour later from about 8 feet to 10 feet of water along with the duffel bag containing stolen goods.    (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Front MAN Turned In For Reward 

 

A suspect was arrested in Detroit and charged with robbing a bank with the help of a 12-year-old boy he had recruited to act as the front man. The robbery scheme fell apart, and both escaped unidentified.

 

However, shortly thereafter, the suspect called the police and tried to turn the young boy in for the $2,000 reward that was being offered. The police played along until they could get their hands on the adult.

 

He is now serving time in prison.   (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Police Humor...

 

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people."

 

A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "GET OFF THE CORNER NOW!"

 

Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"

 

Pretty good, chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop."   (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Skunk assists police by spraying suspect in the face

 

LEWISTON, Maine - Police who were chasing a man after a traffic stop got an unlikely assist from a skunk, who sprayed the suspect in the face.

 

Kenneth Rideout, 32, was nailed after he ran into the woods Tuesday night. He was wanted for violating release conditions stemming from a domestic assault.

 

The skunk didn't stop Rideout but it slowed him down enough that police officers were able to catch up with him.

 

"It was powerful enough to pretty much incapacitate him,"  said police Lt. Tom Avery.

 

Officer Eric Syphers arrested the smelly suspect. The squad car reeked by the time the prisoner arrived at the police station.

 

"Sometimes we get help from where we don't expect it," Avery said. "We're calling this skunk Officer Pepe LePew."     (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Police impersonator pulls over real officer

 

LONGWOOD -- Authorities said a 19-year-old Daytona Beach man flashed a badge, turned on flashing red and blue lights and pulled over a motorist on Interstate 4.

 

The problem: the teen-ager was no cop -- but the driver he pulled over was.

 

According to a police report, Daniel Ryan Blais was traveling east on I-4 in the Longwood area when he attempted to pull over another vehicle.

 

Investigators said Blais rolled down his window to display a silver badge to another driver, and then Blais turned on flashing patrol lights. The two cars pulled into the rest area.

 

At first, Blais said he was a bond-enforcment agent, police said, but then admitted he was not. The man Blais pulled over was off-duty police Officer David Mixon.

 

Seminole County deputies arrested Blais and charged him with impersonating a law-enforcement officer.   (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Short NUTS 2

 

Two teenagers riding bikes hit a police car at Heritage and Josey Thursday when they tried to stop short. Once of the teens went under the car with his bike and the other managed to swerve. Once of the boys told police he had no brakes on the bike because it made it more interesting that way.

- - -

The Pentagon spent $3,000 on a six-month study to answer this burning question: Do umbrellas detract from the appearance of military officers?

- - -

Thief takes off with Lucky Charms cereal.

A woman in the 500 block of Deere Park reported recently that her box of Lucky Charms cereal was stolen, according to the August 27th police reports.    (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Anger Management Not Working

 

FREMONT, Calif. - Two men who met at an anger-management class got into a brawl while working on a home-improvement project together, leaving a dead chicken and a trashed van in their path, police said.

 

The incident pitted David Wilson, 36, against Tim Phillips, 37. The two had met several weeks ago at an anger-management seminar and Phillips later had agreed to do some odd jobs for Wilson.

 

While searching for a missing puppy, Wilson walked into his backyard and found one of his pet chickens dead and dismembered, police said. Enraged and believing that Phillips was responsible, Wilson allegedly pulled a knife and got into a tussle with Phillips, who was cut above an eye, police said.

 

Wilson then allegedly picked up a board and smashed out all the windows on Phillips' van and slashed all of the tires, police said.     (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Banking Hours

 

MIDDLETOWN, Conn. -- A would-be bank robber may have learned a lesson about bankers' hours.

 

The man showed up at a Citizen's Bank branch Monday wearing a mask and carrying a note at 3:08 p.m., eight minutes after the branch lobby closed for the day.

 

Bank workers watching from a window called police as the man pulled futilely on the locked door, police said. He then fled in a truck.

 

A police sergeant witnessed the man throwing the mask and a note out the truck window. Both were recovered.

 

Michael Maslar, 45, surrendered without incident after being stopped by the officer. Police did not find a weapon. Maslar was charged with criminal attempt to commit third-degree robbery and was being held on $500,000 bail.  Police said Maslar, who lives with his 72-year-old mother, is on federal probation for a bank robbery in 1991 in New York state.   (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Picture Removal

 

Convicted sex abuser Daniel Ray Erickson (who once "purchased" a 5-year-old girl whom he then molested) petitioned a judge in Brooksville, Fla., in December to have his photo removed from Florida's sex offender Web site. "How," he asked, "can a guy get married and become a good, stable citizen if they're putting your picture there?" (Indeed, he said, his previous girlfriend had left him when she found out he was on the Web site.)    (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Humiliating Lawsuit

 

In February, a 23-year-old woman who had once changed clothes in the office of a talent agency in Brighton, Mich., while a hidden video camera was running, convinced a jury that that one humiliating experience was worth $575,250. She said that the incident was so severe (even though she had not sought counseling or taken medication for it), she had lost all trust in people and would have to give up on being a model.    (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Man Moons Judge, Gets More Jail Time

 

ATHENS, Texas (AP) - A man who pleaded guilty to aggravated assault had an additional six months tacked onto his eight-year sentence after he mooned the judge.

 

Judge Jim Parsons held 40-year-old Ray Mason in contempt of court Monday after he dropped his pants and showed Parsons and the rest of the court his backside.

 

He said something like, 'Hey, judge, look at this,' Assistant District Attorney Barry Spencer recalled. About 70 other people were in the courtroom at the time, Spencer said.

 

"I've been practicing criminal law for well over 20 years, and I've seen a lot of things," said Mason's defense attorney John Sickel. "This is the first time anything like that has happened."    (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


PHONE COMPANY SENDS BILL TO DEAD MAN

 

(Massachusetts) - A man's phone bill has followed him to his grave. A local cemetery received a phone bill last week for David Towles at his correct address—Hillside Cemetery, Evergreen Section, Auburn, Mass. 01501. Towles was buried there in December 1997. He died at age 60.

 

Cemetery Superintendent Wayne Bloomquist says he was surprised to see the Sprint bill for 12 cents, including 10 cents for a call placed on Feb. 16, five years after Towles died. "Our clients here don't usually get mail," he said. "I wondered if maybe we should start putting mailboxes on the monuments."

 

A call to Sprint's automated service on March 6 showed that charges on the unpaid account had inflated Towles' bill to $3.95. The bill was turned over to interim Town Clerk Ellen Gaboury, who said she would hold on to it for a while. "I'll have to," she said. "Mr. Towles' credit could be affected if it remains unpaid."    (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


SWAT Callout

 

Canadian police in a frantic search for an abducted woman dispatched a SWAT team to her home late on Tuesday before officers on a routine patrol across town found her naked and bound in the back of a car. But police in Edmonton, Alberta, soon realized they had a problem -- she did not want to be rescued. It emerged that the 17-year-old female and a man at the scene were engaged in a role-playing game, but not before the man was arrested and the woman sent to hospital for examination. She was less than co-operative, police said. "She did answer questions, but she wasn't very forthcoming with the detectives. They pieced it together that it was some form of fantasy scenario on the part of the people involved," Edmonton police spokesman Wes Bellmore said on Wednesday. "It wasn't so funny for us because we burned up a lot of taxpayers' money dealing with this." The saga began just before midnight on Tuesday when a man called 911. He reported he had been talking on the phone to the woman when she said someone had broken into her house. Then the line went dead. Police sent a tactical team to the house in west-central Edmonton, because the address had shown up on their records as the site of a previous weapons complaint. "We had to make sure the suite was cleared by a tactical team in case there were weapons involved. When all was said and done, there were about 10 police units involved in this," Bellmore said. About the time the SWAT team determined the home was empty, officers in another part of town found the car in a secluded area by a golf course, with the woman inside bound with tape and her would-be abductor outside the vehicle, he said. "She was not fully clothed. She was in a state of ... she was naked," Bellmore said. Police arrested the man, who eventually told investigators that the scenario was consensual. The woman refused to file a complaint. "As far as our detectives can tell, there was nothing malicious about it," he said. "We really had nothing else to do except release everybody, probably with a stern warning to be more careful." Police said they did not believe the man who called 911 had been aware of the nature of the events.     (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Dressing With A Sense Of Scent

 

Shoppers with a nose for fashion will soon be able to buy perfumed clothes thanks to new technology that allows scents to be woven into fabric. The technology, called Sensory Perception Technologies (SPT), will allow firms to weave particles of moisturizers, deodorants, fragrances and even anti-tobacco agents into fabrics. "Early trials have proved SPT a success with many global clothing companies interested in a host of products from moisturisers and deodorizers to signature scents," ICI, whose fragrances unit Quest developed the technology with marketing body, The Woolmark Company, said in a statement on Monday. ICI said the technology will allow fabric makers to incorporate tiny droplets in miniature waterproof particles into fabrics that can be activated by movement or touch.       (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Botched Attempt

 

A Romanian man plans to complain to consumer authorities about the poor quality of a rope he used in a failed attempt to hang himself, Romanian papers reported Thursday. "You can't even die in this country," 45-year-old Victor Dodoi was quoted as saying in the daily Adevarul. The newspaper said Dodoi's relatives found him hanging from a tree in his garden and managed to cut the rope with a knife. He was taken by horse-drawn cart and then by ambulance to a hospital in the northern town of Botosani. Dodoi said he would file a complaint with the Consumer Protection Authority about the quality of the rope, which was easily cut, as soon as he is released.       (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Evidence In Abundance

In Clovis, N.M., in July, Danny J. Jimenez, 51, was sentenced to six years in prison for a pair of 2003 burglaries. Police had captured Jimenez by following the blood trail that stemmed from his encounter with a pawn shop's glass jewelry case. Later, investigators learned that an injury to Jimenez's head did not come from the jewelry case but occurred when Jimenez accidentally hit himself with a hammer while burglarizing a church later that night. Said a detective, "(Jimenez) had a big, round (indentation) in his forehead that was consistent with the hammer that I found." (And, as if he needed more misery, Jimenez's loot bag broke during his getaway, causing him to lose most of the jewelry, anyway.) [Albuquerque Journal, 7-13-05]        (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


Real-Estate Board Priced Out of Own Town

 

ASPEN, Colo. (AP) — Sky high real estate prices in this resort city in the mountains have driven yet another business out of town: the Aspen Board of Realtors.

 

The board was renting an office at the Aspen airport because of the cost of real estate in the city, where even a small house can cost $1 million.

 

Now, the board has purchased a spacious office in Basalt, 10 miles from Aspen, said Brynne Kristan, executive vice president of the board.

 

Kristan said the board had hoped to own its own office in Aspen.

 

"We thought we'd be real estate owners ourselves," Kristan said.

 

Scores of businesses have moved out of town in the past decade because of the high cost of real estate and commercial space.       (TOP)   (Back to Humor Index)    


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